My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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