Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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