They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize