There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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