Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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