She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
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True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize