So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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