i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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