Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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