Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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