I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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