Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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