It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We're too hungover to prance.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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