I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
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Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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