I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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