i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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