Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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