Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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