Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Someone signed my nipple.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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