There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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