I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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