i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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