some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize