Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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