I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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