she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize