you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize