if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize