WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize