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Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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