We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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