drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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