Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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