Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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