I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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