theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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