Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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