New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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