Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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