o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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