I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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