i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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