you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize