If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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