Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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