I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize