pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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