you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize