I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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