i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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